Six Reasons to Stop Asking a Childfree Woman “That” Question

Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

“When are you going to have kids?”

As a childfree woman in her mid to late thirties, I’ve been asked “that” question (and similar ones) multiple times in all kinds of situations. It’s not really surprising at all.

But I’m not here to tell you my story. I’m here to share some behind-the-scenes stories I’ve heard of women who don’t have children. I want to be their voice for a minute when so many times they are afraid or embarrassed to speak for themselves. When so many times she struggles with finding the answer to that question you just asked.

Although this is mostly about childfree women, I must say this can also be a shoutout to all women, with or without children, because it’s all about choices!

Most importantly, I’m here to tell you why you need to stop asking “that” question in general. I want you to be very mindful and sensitive before asking any kind of personal questions, but “that question” specifically when you are talking to women who are married or in a stable, long relationship but have no kids.

Some of you might be wondering, “Sweet Lord, why is it so bad to ask something so simple?”

I know it is a “simple” and “harmless” question. I also know it’s not your fault or intention to upset someone by asking. But I must tell you the truth: your question might hurt like hell sometimes. You may not have realized that your question could end a brief moment of happiness a woman had until you’ve asked it.

I understand why you ask. We all want to know sometimes. We get excited to hear people are planning to grow their families — I get excited too! And I used to ask “that” question too. But soon I realized I also had to stop asking. If it was inconvenient for me to answer, it might as well be inconvenient for them.

The fact is that we don’t know the reasons why a woman doesn’t have children (or more children, if she’s had one already). Have you ever considered what she could be going through? Her reasons are personal and do not need to be shared and exposed.

So I decided to point out some of the most common and possible scenarios behind a woman’s choice of not having children. This way, we can all be more mindful…